Epiphany

I've had one.
Today I've been slapped in the face with a reality, and I'm gonna tell you about it, thinking out loud.
A few days ago, I went visiting teaching for the first time and one of the ladies I teach is a ballet teacher for BYU. She has her own studio and we got to talking about dance, and she said, "Do you want a job teaching the little girls ballet?" My instant reaction, "YES!!!!" This a wonderful opportunity, I can finally do a job I enjoy! I came home crying I was so excited! Well today I went for the first time assisting, and basically to make a long story short, it was not what I expected. The girls were wonderful and cute, but the teacher..was not exactly the nicest or easiest to work with. I left after 3 hours kinda confused and a little heartbroken. While I was driving home I asked myself, "Karol, what are you doing here? You're done. You're done." And this is the reality that I am now facing.
I'm done with dancing. I'm not in high school anymore. No more wishing, no more hoping, no more comparing myself to other dancers. No more wanting to be better, more flexible, or having prettier feet. I'm done. I cried all the way home.
It's a hard thing to let go of. Your comfort blanket for 17 years, the only thing that really gave me a purpose and happiness in high school. But things change and people move on. And so do I. I'm done with trying to be somebody I'm not. There are more important thinigs in life. I look at my Modern Dance teacher back at Dixie State and she's 32, not married and no kids. She just goes to her dance studio everyday and dances her heart out. And I find that this is the case with A LOT of dancers. Don't get me wrong, it's great they are doing what they love, but shouldn't there be more? There should be more to life.
I want to be a good wife, not a good dancer. I want to be a good mother, not a good dancer. I want to be a good friend, daughter, and sister-in-law, not a good dancer.
Dancing will always be a part of me. It will always be held dear in my heart. I'll always know I was good, really good! No one can ever tell me I wasn't the bomb. I've experience a lot, danced with a lot of different people, both in high school and college. I danced with a professional dance company which was my dream not just once, but for 2 years! I know A LOT about it, and will never forget what it taught me or who it made me.
And someday when my little girl wants to dance, you better believe I will show her all the tricks and she will be even greater than I am. (You better watch out for her!) But for now, I have a new focus. It's time for change, and it's time to grow up. I'm taking my final bow.