Half Way There!

20 Weeks people.

Do you know what that means?

Yep. It means just 20 weeks to go..

Scary?

Very.

Mainly because I'm not ready. Can beginner moms ever be truly ready for what's to come? I'm not sure, they can probably become more prepared than I am, that's for sure. And I'm just talking about the mental. Like getting in the mindset to be able to handle the big change in life, and the birth.... Yikes. You would be sadly mistaken if you thought that I haven't went through the whole process in my mind over and over and over again. Somedays I feel Ok about it. Others I'm so scared I could cry right then and there. But I keep coming up with the same solution, which is.. I don't have a choice. Ready or not, here it comes. Some things in life you can't fight or change, and nature is one of them. So I just better brace myself...and do some serious soul searching in the next 4 and 1/2 months. Because I have to get strong, and brave....ya know...all the things I'm not right now..

So much has changed in my pregnancy since I last blogged. My body, my attitudes, my habits. Here are a few:

• Well, first off you can tell I'm pregnant. My belly is bigger. Pants don't even come close to fitting, my church skirts don't fit, and shirts are getting shorter and shorter. Thus resorting to pregger pants and home-sewn maxi dresses. (I'll post a picture of this...see if you like it :S)
• Something I think about all the time=how ugly I am/feel. I can't look at pictures from high school anymore without getting really sad. I'm so white and pale, my skin is aweful and broken out, my hair needs help, my makeup just doesn't sit the way it used to..and I could go on and on. Self esteem? Pretty sure mine is quickly dwindling..if not already gone.
• I'm still really emotional. I'll just randomly start crying uncontrollably. Especially when I take a bath for some reason...? lol And once I start crying, it's really hard to stop. I guess I just got to get it out.
• I FELT HIM KICK FOR THE FIRST TIME!! The best way I can describe it is little bubbles popping in my lower stomach. He's not that strong yet, so you can't feel them from the outside, but you can from the inside. I like to think of it as mine and him's little secret. I keep thinking he's telling me a secret when he kicks me. Soon, however, Daddy and the rest of the family will be in on our little secrets. But for now....just us.
• I'm gaining weight by eating a lot of food! I try to have a normal breakfast, big lunch, and big dinner, with lots of healthy treats inbetween. I'm still trying my best to eat every 2 hours. My cravings right now: (they change every other day) apples, sticky fingers, key lime pie yogurt, mexican food! Oh, and Sandi's french fries...but I only get those like once a month when we go down to Richfield.
• My back is starting to hurt. Doesn't matter if I'm standing up or sitting down..it just hurts!
• I have heartburn like every night. But it's not actually heartburn, I don't think. I think it's what you call indigestion. Right before I go to bed it feels like everything I ate that day is sliding up and down my throat over and over. Tums help, but only a little.
• I miss my mom. SO Much! Sometimes it feels like I am going through this pregnancy all by myself, and I just want her here with me.
• I have a head cold...AGAIN! I swear I can never get relief from this!
• My big boy is about the size of a banana! He should weigh just under a pound. :]
• I'm so in love with my husband. More and more and more everyday. He helps me so much, is SO patient, and looks at me like I'm the prettiest person in the world. Sometimes (like now) I just cry thinking about it. I would be lost without him.

Being half way done with my pregnancy is so crazy, it has gone by SO FAST! My goals for the next month or so...Start Decorating!!! Let's get this baby's room started! :] I don't even know where to begin :] Our 20 week ultrasound is on Tuesday, I can't even wait to see our angel! :] I'll keep you updated.